Leggo of My Ego

Do you remember the Eggo Waffles commercial? The tagline was always "Leggo of my Eggo." This commercial came to mind today when I reflected on one of my biggest strengths and weaknesses.

For many years, I have had a knack for using technology in the classroom; however, my knack developed into a false sense of security, self-confidence, and EGO. Notice that I didn't say Eggo?

I'm not saying that I didn't have talent, but my false sense of security developed into a dangerous high-wire act. I needed to perform in order to feel valued.

This is a dangerous recipe because it has put the needs of my ego ahead of the needs of others. It revealed itself in inconvenient ways, such as self-centered actions, thoughtless words, and destroyed relationships.

I'm sad to say that I have despised, rejected, and spoke poorly of others because their talent or knowledge was a threat to my value.  I am embarrassed, ashamed and sorry.

The more I think about it, my ego was a sign of my insecurity. My personal value was based solely on being perceived as someone with value and expertise. Having an answer for everything and everyone contradicts effective leadership, yet we see examples of it all around us.

When a leader's ego gets in the way, it can have dire consequences because it can destroy credibility, relationships, and waste valuable resources. It feels good to be an "expert" for a moment, but eventually experts become amateurs. Strong leaders have a healthy sense of when to step up and when to step aside.

So, instead of letting go of my Eggo...I need to practice letting go of my ego.

The Art of Effective Leadership

I am amazed at how much and how little can be accomplished by a person's ability to work with others. I am convinced that getting things done has nothing to do with a person's education or resume and everything to do with a person's ability to listen to, respect, and work with others.

Some of the most talented leaders in my life have an innate ability to understand the needs of others because they truly listen to the perspectives of others. They respect others whether they agree or disagree with their views. They see the person is more important than the issue they are hiding behind. They are quick to place their egos aside and slow to criticize others.

I am embarrassed to say that I am often a slow learner. I am slowly learning that becoming more effective begins with my attitude towards others. How do you begin? One step at a time.

Points to Ponder:

• Am I truly listening to another's needs or my wants?  
• How quickly do I place my ego aside and roll up my sleeves? How slowly do I criticize? 
• Do I truly respect others? Can I see beyond the issue a person is hiding behind? 

Why Waste My Energy and Dreams on Complaining?

Lately I have had a really difficult time not complaining about things. It's interesting how we all complain about things from time to time. Isn't it ironic that the more we complain, the worse we feel?

Unfortunately, I have failed in this part of my leadership journey. I have wasted too much time, effort, energy, and words worrying and complaining about things (and people) that I have no control over. Why? It feels great. The more I complain, the better I feel...right? No.

It's hard to think of the benefits of complaining because all of my wasted energy has led to a very negative and depressed outlook of the world and people. Leaders who are complainers are ineffective and have a short shelf life. The moment something gets tough, they complain about something (or someone) and blind themselves from potential solutions.

I am no expert. In fact, the more I give this "pep talk" on leadership, the more I see that I am struggling with this area.  But I have to ask myself, am I willing to sacrifice my hopes and dreams because of temporary feelings and situations? This is a very tall order and interesting way of looking at the annoyances of life.

The Power of the Mosquito

It has been said in certain parts of Africa that if you think that you are too small to make a difference, then you have never been bitten by a mosquito. It is amazing to think of the havoc and discomfort that one insect can have on humans, but it is a powerful lesson in how our actions make a difference.

It makes me think of choices that I need to make. How often do I neglect my family, friends, and colleagues because I'm too connected? Too busy? Too concerned about work? Perhaps I need to find more time to unplug?

We live in a super-connected society, where answers are at our fingertips. We know more about our Facebook friends, than we know about our families. We say that we don't care about what other's think, but base our self-worth on the number of likes on a post. It is scary to think that many leaders (including myself) live in this world.

As much as I love technology, I hope I never become too connected that I neglect others. I hope I value friendships rather than friend lists. I hope I value others more than I value likes on social media. I hope I value face time with others rather than Facetime. I hope a hug holds more value than a text.

Here is a video that inspired me to spend less time looking at a screen and more time listening and spending time with others:

Lesson 6: The Person is More Important Than The Task

A friend of mine recently told me a rather disappointing story. They have been going through health issues for several months and recently found out that they needed surgery. This person has been very straight forward with their employer about doctors appointments and the potential for surgery. They recently went to their boss to notify them about the bad news. Instead of offering any condolences or showing any concern for this individual as a person, their employer stated that they needed to "talk" about when this person could have surgery and what would be "best for the team."

We have to remember that people are more important than any project, job, recognition, or task that needs to be performed.  How often do you listen with your mouth rather than your ears? How much do you know about the others around you? When was the last time that you said thank you? Each time we consider the task more important than the person, we begin to push others away.

How do you think this inconsiderate response made my friend feel? Unfortunately, it communicated that the job was more important than the health and well-being of the person. It has prompted my friend to start updating their resume. If you are communicating that the job is more important than the individual, you are likely to lose talented people - just like my friend.

Lesson 5: The Ripple Effect

Like a stone hitting the water, the ripples of a leaders decision often impact more than the person making the choice. Our decisions in our personal and professional lives ripple into the lives of our colleagues, friends, family members, neighbors, and competitors. The impact can last hours, days, weeks, years, or even a lifetime.

How are you making decisions? In other words, what is guiding you? As the expression states, "if you don't stand for something, you'll fall for everything."

Having a mission, purpose, or compass is a good way to stand for something. Not only is this important to guide your decisions, but it can impact the lives of others. What can others count on making ripples in the waters of your leadership?

One of the best leaders I have ever had the privilege of working for didn't have a fancy degree, outrageous title, or was influenced by politics. This leader had one mission in life - "kids first." This attitude has served him well over the years and has also shaped my own philosophy as a leader.

What do you stand for? What ripples are you making? What ripples can others count on from your leadership? As I steer the waters of leadership, I'm starting to realize that every careless word, careful decision, selfish action, or act of humility has more of an impact on others than I have ever realized.

Lesson 4: Are You a Barrier?

I was recently sitting in a doctor's office waiting room and couldn't help but hear a conversation between two family members, where they were blaming everyone and everything for their troubles. Perhaps they were right, but perhaps they were wrong.

After listening to this conversation, I began to think about how I often play the blame game when things don't quite go my way.

The blame game is dangerous in leadership. Especially, when we blame everyone and everything for our troubles. Sometimes we may need to take an honest look in the mirror to see our world correctly. Here are some questions that I have been pondering in my leadership journey:

1. Do I pose unintentional or unnecessary barriers in my interactions, conversations, and body language to my colleagues?
2. Are my decisions based on my ego or on the needs of others?
3. Do I build others up or tear them down?
4. Do I listen with my ears or with my mouth? 
5. Do I make decisions based on how I feel at the moment? 

Case in point, leaders must have the courage to take on blame and give others the benefit of the doubt. 

Lesson 3: Everyone is Fighting a Battle

About a year ago, I had a very sour attitude about a particular individual. No matter what I tried, nothing worked with this person. It was during this time that I ran into the following quote, which changed my perspective and life:

I was reminded of this quote the other day after talking with a challenging individual, who is often standoffish and difficult to interact with. After a brief conversation with this person, I learned that they have experienced more difficult things in their life than I have ever known. Not to excuse their behavior, but their behavior now makes sense to me because I realized that I needed to approach this individual with a different attitude.

Sometimes leaders forget that everyone has parts of their life that we know nothing about. The seemingly perfect individual may not be so perfect. The rude person may have just receive terrible news. The mistrusting colleague may be experiencing the effects of a life of abuse. 

We may only see one or two dimensions of their life, but we may never truly know their story. The fact is that everyone has one and this story shapes our thoughts, habits, relationships, and motivations. 

Imagine if all leaders could keep this quote in mind. How many misunderstandings could you avoid? How many situations would you navigate differently? How many difficult situations would you not take personally?

Lesson 2: Putting for Empathy

Do you jump to conclusions? If I am honest, I find that I am often more likely to assume the worst in others than assuming the best. Unfortunately this has been a bad habit and shortcoming in my leadership journey for quite some time. It is a bad habit that I would like to change.

A few days ago, I was listening to a speaker talk about the topic of empathy or being able to see things from another's perspective. He used a powerful golf analogy to explain the concept. If you are a non-golfer, perhaps it would be helpful to think of mini-golf instead. 

When most amateur golfers are putting, they often look at the lie of the land from the ball to the hole. Professional golfers have learned to take a walk around the green and stand behind the hole. They want to see the ball from the hole's perspective before they take action. Often millions of dollars are hinging on their decision. 

 

Empathy works the same way. We need to force ourselves to take a walk around the green before we jump to conclusions, retaliate, and make or cast judgements. Before making assumptions and snap-judgements, it can be helpful to see things from another's perspective before we say or do something we will regret. Often our influence as a leader hinges on this decision. 

It takes practice and is a difficult character trait to develop; however, the dividends empathy pays are well worth the effort.

Incubator Lesson 1: Why Would Anyone Become a Leader?

I begin this blog in the midst of a challenging week and era in my life. It pains me to say that I am learning some very hard leadership lessons from my own failures, selfishness, and lack of experience. I find myself in a leadership incubator, sometimes patiently and many times impatiently, waiting for an opportunity to arrive.

Leadership has always been a passion of mine. I've attended conferences, read dozens of books, and tried to fill my resume with as many leadership experiences as possible. With all of the effort I have invested in my own personal leadership journey, I have been surprised to see how challenging leadership truly is. It makes me think of a conversation I had this week with a colleague. We were discussing the question, why would someone ever want to become a leader?  I have to admit, I couldn't think of many good reasons. Then she offered a great answer - we are wired to be leaders.

I dedicate this blog to answering this question in my own life and hopefully yours. I hope that we can learn from my successes and my many, many, many failures.

Matt